Thursday, May 19, 2016

# 2016 # A9

[RANDOM] And So, Sometimes We Need To Be A Bit Crazy...

Perhaps sometimes, one just have to be a little crazy, one just have to make that decision on a whim and just don't care too much about the consequences, the responsibilities you have to take, what people will think of you (because it is all bullshits) or plenty other worst case scenarios what ifs that comes tagging along that one decision you want to make. Being crazy for that moment, and just do something you want to do, not because you're forced to do, in fact, it is a decision made when everything else in your life are pointing against it. "You should not do this," you know, you will have many days of sucky meals and you have to ration every cents in your wallet, just to make sure you're going to pull this off. You will not have the little breathing space you want, that little devil you inside craving to eat fancy desserts and sinful meals, you cannot satisfy it if you go for this trip.

Though who cares, because you're going to see him, and satisfy the other bigger devil inside you who has been whining about wanting to see him for just one more time. One more time please, one more time.

Granted, I didn't do it on the whim, I didn't like, "hey, screw it and let's do it," on the spot, even after I heard my mom's offer that night. I spent hours, two days actually, thinking about it, tortured myself with many what ifs. Many scenarios popped up in my head, it wasn't a pleasant 48 hours at all I tell you. And I tell you, the moment that button is clicked and I got my ticket, I felt so relieve. Perhaps it is just an after effect of a decision being made. No doubt there is a bit of me panicking like a headless chicken over here, like "what should I do what should I do what should I do?" Now the decision made and now what? I've clicked the button and now what?

Well, now it is just time to stick with the plan I've subconsciously made as I came to make that decision and prepare for the worst I guess. Time to tie that belt tight and save up as much as I can so I can pull this off.

I know I won't regret this decision I made, looking back at that day when the ticket was released and I saw people getting them, I was really down that day to know that I wouldn't be one of them. It isn't easy, being a fangirl living in another country where your favorite band lives in, but of course I would say things could be much worse. The fangirl life is at least affordable now, so what's left is to make myself not to regret what I didn't do that time.

I've one too many regrets on things I should've done and didn't too.

Seriously, this is a pointless ramble I just feel like writing, if you've read this far a round applause to you. But yes, as Chances or Fate is still the blog where I want to record down my feelings for those special moments of my life, this is one entry I feel important enough to make it up here.

I made that decision this time. It might be tough it might go all haywire, but at least this time if all else fail, I had made that decision that I won't regret.

It is the start of something important.

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